Malditang Librarian

It's a month before the board exam for librarians. This can be the most stressful time of your life. Rereading old journals of the whole year I reviewed, you wouldn't think I would top the board. Wouldn't you believe it, that due to stress I didn't even talk to my sister and father due to petty reasons! I struggled daily, with trying to discipline myself, with dealing with pressures from family, friends, and teachers. I admit that I even dealt  with (ever-present) depression, self-doubt, and loads of negative emotions. I had a petty cold war with my sister during my review. And we only spoke and forgave each other on the day of the results! I only learned later that there was a problem with the results release, like God was waiting for me to forgive my sister first before the results. I'm not sure if these events had a connection, but it felt like that. The pressure is only natural. You carry the name of your school, and your professional future relies on th...

The first time I encountered the advertising mascot Emily the Strange, it was in a red shirt I bought in an ukay-ukay . I loved her aesthetic, some pale girl with straight, jet-black hair looking bored, with the logo 'Misery loves Company', and skull cherubims with fake plastic diamonds for eyes on the border. Emily was just a cartoon before she was a character in a book, and the book is was good! Its a short, enjoyable read. The book begins with Emily waking up in a town called Blackrock, with all her memories gone, even her name - only her clothes, a notebook, a pencil, and a slingshot. Most people would freak out, but even in this situation Emily just rides it out and calls herself... Earwig! She stumbles in a cafe, El Dungeon, helps out the barista Raven, while finding clues on her real identity. The novel is written in the form of Emily's diary entries, most of which take the form of 13-item lists. Here we see her with the odd characters in the small, ashen town ...

I was bored one weekend so I asked my friends for topics to write about. Just to see if I can. I've been doing too much writing for years anyway, and I trust my own brain when it comes to writing now. I feel like some sort of magician who created a magic gem out of thin air. Topic? Here, a poem. Anyway the challenge is still open to whoever wants me to write a poem for any topic: Someone typed ' Doraemon' , probably as a joke: A little blue alien monster has a lot of hidden treasures in his magic pocket That will promise to solve all your problems but he is just a cartoon in a children's story and we all grew up to only realize... that things don't come that easy ...and we all have to help ourselves Depression Days and days pass with me replaying the same old things lying down in bed, the pillow wet with inexplicable tears an unseen weight heavy on my body, and thoughts louder than anything the sun passes through my window and I spend the night...

Because beauty is power the way money is power the way a loaded gun is power. Palahniuk is best known for Fight Club , a manly book about guys beating each other up and feeling more alive because of it. Invisible Monsters is his second novel, and unlike the macho air of Fight Club, here is another world of (also ruthless and brutal) the modeling industry, plastic surgery, sex change, and getting rid of your past. The novel's narrator and protagonist is a fashion model who was shot in the jaw. She is saved by a transgender Brandy Alexander, body full of operations and drugs, as she embarks on a new life wandering around with her ex-boyfriend and taking revenge against her former model frenemy. Here we get a lot of angst about beauty and ugliness. The narrator realizes that her face, no matter how scary and horrible now, is also a kind of power. My favorite moral lesson from this book, though, is getting rid of the past and focusing instead on the future and all its poss...

This was last January 2014. I'm now on notebook # 37 Old note: I was fixing my room since I’m leaving home soon and these are journals from 2008 until now, arranged chronological. Filled with daily trash, writing practice, and things I can’t ever say. I don’t buy expensive or too pretty notebooks (only sometimes) and most of these are cheap spirals… easier to write on since if its too expensive it feels intimidating to write on. 26 in all but I threw away around 5 in 2009-2010 as I have these repeating intrusive thoughts and I thought then that if I get rid of the things I wrote (the thoughts) then I would get better but it didn’t, not then. I remember I only started writing (as in writing to be seen by others) in 2013 but I still do practice a lot - I got this from Natalie Goldberg’s writing books - setting a time limit to just write without thinking or stopping, to write down things I really feel without censoring myself since its only for me anyway. So I’ve been practici...

Source I've been seeing a psychiatrist for two sessions now. After being unemployed for awhile and only staying at home, I realized I'm always depressed about the same old things. I realized that I've been suffering for years, from low self-esteem, a hazing incident in college that left so much mental scars and a negative view of myself. Going around the old campus of my university, I recalled a weird first panic attack (from a suspicion that I was being stalked, that triggered a flood of memories from the hazing, that was generally bad). So yeah, the therapist recommended EMDR: Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing . So today was the introductory session. She guided me through imagining a calm and safe place, to envision this place every time I feel tense. Then I followed her fingers with my eyes, moving from left to right. It felt ... calming, and somehow like something in the programming of memories in your brain to something more positive. Food for thou...

"The important thing about going to university is the experience. You can throw yourself into a wide range of things wholeheartedly in a way that is virtually impossible when you have a full-time job - things like debt, manic depression, and canals." » Bluff your way at University by Rob Ainsley This is my inspiration when I was in school, actually. "This is  America's Next Top Model , not America's Next Top Best Friend!" Because sometimes, you should really fight to focus on what you came to school for: Education, and not bad-influence friends! For my whole life, I didn't get 'school' right. I struggled with studying and social relationships necessary in school. I sucked in high school, and my first attempt at college was even worse. I honestly think that I had PTSD after a silly initiation for a group. When I tried to go to school again, I was calmer, and now I got it right, I graduated Magna cum Laude with little effort at all. Don...